A Spirit of Fear

 

    Personally, I believe we can all be influenced by different spirits. (Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God. 2 Corinthians 2:12)... I believe the spirit of the world (satan), even though it wasn't given to us, we are born to it and it can take on many forms and can weasel its way into our lives to effectually make us paralyzed. Today, I am concentrating my thoughts toward the spirit of fear... this is not from God as we can clearly see in 2 Timothy...but that doesn't mean it will not rear its ugly head and manipulate its way into our lives, even the life of someone who is following Christ daily.

How does the spirit of fear operate? I'm sure it it different for everyone. Here is what it looked like for me:

     I was unprepared for how I would truly feel after my husband came home from jail. I knew in my heart that God was all over this situation. I knew and still know this was His plan for our life. While my husband was in jail, the closeness we felt with God was amazing. We felt his presence in every aspect of what was happening. Then, he came home. I would say for the first two months we had the 'honeymoon' phase. Even though we were given some extenuating circumstances to deal with, we were still riding the 'God is there in everything' wagon and felt secure in our faith. Then, little by little, I started waking in the middle of the night gasping for air and paranoid beyond belief. Thoughts would race through my head - "Where is he?", "What did I just hear?" "Did he just come back to bed?" "What if?... What if?... What if?... WHAT IF!!?" - some nights he would still be awake when I went to bed, I'd lay there awake watching for shadows to walk past my bedroom door and into the kids room. For over two years this went on and on... sleep was a far reach. Then sleep deprivation started and made the fear worse. I tried to take naps only to fear every footstep I heard, every time the furnace would kick on, even the silence was suspicious. So I stopped just laying there, I started to get up  and search around the house for anything out of place.  Triple checking that the kids were sleeping and all was well. - Then came the confrontation with it, no longer where these thoughts in my head, now, they were coming out of my mouth. Accusations flew everyday maybe even every hour on a bad day. I demanded to know every second of his day and didn't even believe him when he told me. I would scream and cry. Fear was now ruling my day. Every time he would talk to the kids or even look at them thoughts would race through my head, "What is he thinking?", "Why is he playing with them?", "What is his true motive?" and on and on. Then they came out of my mouth... and not in a nice way. Looking back, I know I hindered his relationship with our children, he just stopped playing with them, stopped acknowledging them altogether really and at the time it suited me just fine.

     I can remember thinking that the rest of my life would be like this. That this was what I had signed up for when I chose to stay. A nightmare in my own mind would replay itself all the time and this was going to be my life.  

Then one day, by the grace of God himself, I was led to 2 Timothy.

 

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity,

but of power and love and discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

 

We are not given a spirit of fear... I read. A few thoughts raced through my mind, "I can choose what I am ruled by?", "God didn't give this to me?", "With God, this can get rid of?", then the big one hit "Internally, when I chose to follow Christ, the chains of the world were taken off, no longer did I have to be a slave to the things of this world in the spirit realm... I am allowing this to happen to me."

No more, no more was I going to sit there and take this abuse from the spirit of the world. No more, was I going to sit there and wonder when the next bomb was going to go off. I prayed "Lord, this did not come from you. I am yours. Spirit of fear you have no place in my life, I command you leave me, leave this house - In Jesus' name... and guess what, that name has power and you kinda have to do it cause this is Christs property... get out!" (something like that anyway) - Peace like a river flowed over me. Did he try to come back into my life? Many times. Did he win some nights? Absolutely.  Did I sleep better? Most nights.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,

 against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

No matter what the spirit of fear looks like in your life, realize this... This is not from God, this is not of God. Do not allow pride or ignorance to blind you, realize this is a battle not of flesh and blood, even though it affects you physically... the battle is to be won in the spirit realm.

I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4

 

 

Moving...

So, we have just been through a move and even though this move has been nothing but a blessing from the Lord... the details attached to moving with the sex offender registry is amazing to me. First, the area and location need to follow the rules regarding schools, parks and other facilities. Second, the landlord, HOA, ETC.. has to approve (or at least not have anything in writing forbidding it) you live in the area. Thirdly, you have to register in the county you are moving to, unregister in the county you are moving from - or go and change your address if you are in the same county. In 72 hours of moving. Fourthly, you have only a small window to change your address on your drivers license. and so on and so on. I have often thought a website with all of this type of information should be available to those who need it. I know we are not alone. What do others do?

Trust

Most people in the world will say they can't be married without trust. They say trust is the most important part of the marriage. I agree, but not to trust in your spouse... but to trust in the Almighty God who created you. 

Do I trust my husband, yes, about as much as I trust any sinful person. Do I know my husband will sin, yes. Do I know he is capable of any sin, yes. The difference between my marriage and maybe a different one is that I know we are ALL capable of ANY sin. So, why be surprised he sins? Why be surprised or 'offended' when anyone sins? Why be surprised that it 'hit so close to home'? There are almost a million registered sex offenders in the USA. (Those are the ones that have been convicted of their crimes.) There are 45 murders a day in America - do the math - that's 16,425 murders a year. This may not seem like much, but to the family of the victims, it is. It may be your family someday. It may be mine. It may have already been your family, it was already mine. What's my point? Know that your loved ones are going to sin, they are going to hurt you.

Philippians 1:29
For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake,

not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake...

 

Acts 14:22

...strengthening the disciples and encouraging them

to remain true to the faith.

"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.

 

 

There are tons of verses that talk about Christians suffering for His Glory. I believe it is what we choose to do with the pains of this world that matters. The 'suffering for His sake' - personally I think it is a choice we make.

 

We can choose to accept the following to be truth - 

 

2 Corinthians 2:4

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.

When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

 

Or not.

 

I do.

 

I completely believe that my trust should

only be in God. I do not trust man.

I don't have to trust man to have a great marriage, because I trust the one who put us together.

 

 

Psalm 146:3

Do not trust in princes,

In mortal man,

in whom there is no salvation.

 

 





 

 

 

 

 



Myths People Believe about Sex Offenders and their wives

I have read on other sites that the reason wife's are silent about what they have gone through is because they are normally viewed as being apart of the abuse. I don't know if that is true or not. I can tell you - I do not care if people think I was apart of it.. I wasn't. God knows the truth. I can also tell you: Satan is sneaky and he works in sly ways. We do not know the thoughts of another, I am sure Satan uses this to his full potential. Wifes, do not hide, I know you didn't know.

People also believe you can spot a sex offender from across the street. They are wrong. Sex offenders are everywhere. They are CEO's and accountants, they are the meat manager at Kroger and the waiter at your favorite restaruant. They are well dressed, well spoken, clean cut and therefore, well hidden.

Also, the general pubic thinks that you have to be abused in order to become an offender. What about those who are abused who do not become offenders? While there may be some statistics to support this idea... it is not fact and doesn't always prove to be correct. Satan, the father of lies is waiting to catch anyone who doesn't RUN to GOD and find refuge there. Sex offenders are people, people God loves, He hates sin - not the sinner.

I pray you RUN to GOD to seek the Truth about sin and realize we are all capable of any sin. I, in no way, am stating that sin is okay, or justified. Sin leads to death. Please, open your eyes to this Truth.

Do you or someone you know have an addiction to pornography or other sexual addiction? Do they want to stop? My husband battled this addiction for a very long time. It led him to be completely desensitized to humanity. People were not people, they were objects. Anything he needed to fulfill that sexual desire. He turned to whatever was easy for him.

When we first started dating, I knew he was 'into' pornography. I watched it with him. I didn't care. At least, he isn't cheating on me... really. When we found Christ and his salvation, pornography didn't have a place in our family anymore. That didn't, however, stop my husbands addiction. He thought if he was saved this addiction would just go away... it got worse. The enemy pushed him down so hard. He lied about watching it, buying it, owning it... etc.

It lead to his ultimate fall. Do not kid yourself...everyone is capable of this same sin.

please visit http://www.ssa-recovery.org if you are dealing with a sexual addiction - they can help.

Nothing is so beneficial as a true self knowledge of ourselves, which produces a wholesome self-contempt. Always think kindly of others, while holding yourself as nothing; this is true wisdom and leads to perfection. If you see another commit a grievous sin, or whose faults are flagrant, do not regard yourself as better, for you do not know what you would do if similarly tempted. You are in good disposition now, but you do not know how long you will persevere in it. Always keep in mind that all are frail, but none so frail as yourself.  – Thomas A Kempis (c. 1420)

This is my new blog. Here to help you. I know I am not alone. Those of you who have gone through adultery by means of child molestation are welcome. Hate the sin... not the sinner.